Therapy for Perfectionists
Simply defined, perfectionism is the belief that you must demand of oneself or others a higher quality of performance than is actually required by a situation. Perfectionism can feel exhausting, and it feels like nothing is ever good enough. Perfectionists tend to be highly critical of themselves and others, deeply influencing your self-esteem and self-worth. This can cause high levels of anxiety due to a need for order and predictability and cause a feeling of unworthiness and instability in one's life. Often, our perfectionist beliefs are rooted in past experiences and trauma, serving as a means of survival and stability during difficult times.
To support this work, we also offer various modalities, including Radically Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (RO DBT), Exposure & Response Prevention, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. You can read more about RO DBT, below!
Radically-Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy
Radically-Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (RO DBT) is a transdiagnostic treatment for disorders of overcontrol (OC). RO DBT was developed for disorders involving overcontrol, such as perfectionism, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, treatment-resistant depression or anxiety, and anorexia. Offered in both individual and group settings, RO DBT clinically targets five themes of overcontrol 1) inhibited and disingenuous emotional expression, 2) hyper-detailed focused and overly cautious behavior, 3) rigid and rule-governed behavior, 4) aloof and distant style of relating, and 5) and high social comparison and envy/bitterness [1]. RO DBT is based on the core philosophical principle of Radical Openness. Radical Openness “is a way of behaving as well as a state of mind, informed by the central premise that emotional well-being involves the confluence of three features: openness, flexibility and social connectedness” [1].
RO DBT’s value of self-enquiry and building close relationships and social bonds aligns with several of our values including community, and compassion. We give ourselves and each other continuous compassion, and prioritize flexibility and seeing each other's humanity. And, with this compassion comes a desire to build community by seeking new experiences, stretching your own skills, and being open to continuous learning.
Individual RO DBT skills coaching is offered by Mary (she/her), learn more about her here, or reach out to schedule your free phone consult.
Radically open living involves deep self-reflection, and willingness to be wrong, with an intention to change if needed. The idea of living with radical openness means actively seeking those areas of your life that you tend to avoid or may find uncomfortable, in order to learn. We recognize that the idea of radical openness can feel overwhelming and vulnerable. Often, our over-controlled behaviors have served as protective barriers in our environment, and it can be difficult to ask others for help.
These behaviors are, “partly influenced by heightened bio-temperamental threat sensitivity and partly influenced by social feedback from an early age implying that it is imperative to control oneself and avoid an appearance of incompetence. As a consequence, clients who are over-controlled work very hard to avoid mistakes, become increasingly sensitive to perceived criticism, and base their self-worth on how their performance compares to the performance of others” [2].
As a result, these controlled behaviors interfere with new learning and the formation of social bonds, such as “automatic rejection of feedback, avoidance of novelty or social situations, frozen or disingenuous expressions, and compulsive desires for structure and order” [2].
Defining Radical Openness
These efforts of self-reflection are to support you in building a life worth sharing, and forming social connectedness with others, by linking the “communicative functions of emotional expression to the formation of close social bonds and via skills targeting social-signaling, openness and flexible responding”[1]. Through this reflection and collaborative work, RO DBT “encourages clients to practice disinhibition, participate without planning, be more open to critical feedback, and be more emotionally expressive” [2].
Other outcomes include:
Enhanced social connectedness
Increased openness and flexibility
Building a life worth sharing
Outcomes of RO-DBT
Mindfulness-Based Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can also be helpful for perfectionists. You can read more about that here!