Self-Compassion & Forgiveness: A Radical Act of Self-Care
In a world where capitalism permeates every space, productivity and perfectionism is a societal expectation that is indoctrinated into us. Productivity and perfection over rest and reflection is one of the many ways systems of oppression impact us covertly without us truly realizing it. How many times have you criticized yourself for not completing your to do list or performing less than ideal on some form of performance evaluation? The self-criticism that you employ during these times is likely your attempt to motivate yourself to do better. Unfortunately, the excessive use of self-criticism can ultimately lead to you internalizing a negative self-view. Or in other cases when it does motivate you, you find yourself allocating all your self-worth to be determined by your performance. Both forms are unstable forms of self-esteem and above all, it is a tool weaponized by capitalism to keep you in a never-ending cycle of producing and performing in hopes to feel accepted and connected by others.
What would it be like to be accepted and connected with yourself? How would one accomplish that? Forgiveness and Self-Compassion is the key to you loving and accepting yourself wherever you are. Self -compassion challenges the societal pressure that pushes us to perform, excel, and suppress our humanness. Our imperfection and need for rest and rejuvenation are what makes us human beings, but we have been socialized to view our need for rest as “lazy” and our less than stellar performance as “unacceptable” or a ‘failure” when in reality they are just manifestations of our humanness. Mistakes are inevitable and rest is an unquestionable need for human functioning. So why do we find ourselves employing self-criticism during these times of humanness instead of meeting ourselves with forgiveness and compassion?
When we embrace self-compassion, we acknowledge our worth is not determined by our mistakes or performance. Forgiveness allows for us to hold space for our inevitable growth. When we are able to accept that our worth is not determined by our mistakes, we become much more willing to be reflective of our mistakes so that we are able to learn from them. This is especially helpful during relational disputes and conversations because there is extreme vulnerability to be forthcoming with your mistakes and that modeling of vulnerability fosters trust and emotional safety that is essential for relational intimacy and connection. Embracing compassion allows for a balance of accountability and empathy during times of conflict and guilt that ultimately makes repairing relational ruptures a much easier task.
Self-compassion and forgiveness are powerful weapons of resilience that help us fight against the guilt and grudges that attempt to hold us back. These weapons of resilience help us bounce back from adversity and reclaim our emotional space. Ultimately, self-compassion and forgiveness are radical acts of self-care because they ensure we honor our humanity and leave us open and willing to grow.
A Journaling Opportunity for Self-Reflection:
What are some perfectionistic standards I hold myself to?
What words have I used to describe myself in times I do not meet those standards or made a mistake?
What emotions often come up for me when I use these words towards myself?
How have these standards/ words impacted the way I view myself?
What would I say to my close friend if they made the same mistake?
Practice: Write a letter to yourself speaking to the humanness of your mistake and offer forgiveness and empathy.
If you feel you may have areas for growth or are having difficulty with establishing compassion and forgiveness towards yourself, you do not have to navigate this journey alone.
Let’s take the first step together. Schedule your consultation today and we can explore how we can help support you towards your goals.
