Community Care: A Radical and Vital Form of Self-Care
It feels like we hear a lot about self-care these days, and for good reason. Quite frankly, living through these times can feel incredibly heavy, and it feels more important than ever that we listen to our bodies and look after our needs.
As individuals, we may work hard to maintain our mental health, set boundaries, rest, and practice self-love—and that’s a good thing! When this world teaches us to overwork ourselves and put ourselves last, self-care is a radical act, especially in queer, trans, gender-expansive, and other marginalized communities.
But in a system that prioritizes profit, even self-care can be stripped of its meaning and co-opted by capitalism, filling our social media feeds with ads that urge us to believe that in order to take care of ourselves, we need to buy into the latest expensive wellness trends, stock up on pricey skincare products, or somehow achieve the most optimized, productive form of ‘self-care’ possible. This can make self-care feel more like something we must do (or buy) to meet some standard of functioning than what it really is: our right as people.
And in a society that emphasizes individualism over community, it can feel like the burden is on us to meet all of our emotional and social needs through independent self-care activities. Has anyone else here felt like if we’re still struggling, it’s because we aren’t self-caring hard enough?
The reality is that we all inherently deserve connection, care, and support, regardless of our level of productivity or functioning. We deserve holistic well-being, which includes not only taking care of ourselves, but also allowing ourselves to support and be supported by our community.
We Don’t Have to Do It Alone
Community care, recently popularized in a viral post by organizer Nakita Valerio, acknowledges that we can’t fully care for ourselves if we’re constantly isolated, struggling alone against the systems that affect us all. Nobody is an island, and we shouldn’t have to shoulder the burden of solving all our problems alone at the expense of our mental well-being.
Especially in marginalized communities, community care offers a way to build resilient networks of support that can help everyone survive and thrive.
What it Looks Like In Practice
We all have different gifts and capacities (which can change from day to day!). Self-care and community care should be about what feels authentic to you. What are your needs? What are your unique strengths and values? How much time and energy do you have? These questions can help you determine where you can plug in.
Here are some suggestions for how to start engaging in community care:
Check in with your loved ones and chosen family: Connecting with others, even briefly, can go a long way. Depending on your energy level, this could look like saying hi in the group chat, checking in on a fellow community member, texting a friend to tell them you love them, or catching up on a walk or over the phone.
Seek out and build safe, affirming spaces: Showing up authentically in an affirming space can be very powerful, whether it’s a support group, a social club, or a dance party. This also includes setting boundaries, protecting your time and energy, and saying no to spaces and events that feel less safe.
Share your talents: Reflect on your personal knowledge, strengths, and resources, and what you can offer to others freely. We all have unique gifts, whether it’s cooking, making book recommendations, mending clothes, fixing cars, telling stories, or just making people laugh. Whether you’re taking meals to free fridges, offering tools for neighbors to borrow, joining a community garden, or maintaining the friend group’s shared calendar (hi, Capricorns), your contribution doesn’t have to look like someone else’s; that’s the beautiful thing about community!
Celebrate together: Joy is a powerful and essential part of community care. Celebrating Pride, hosting potlucks, going to queer art shows, or simply getting together to laugh and enjoy each other’s company can be healing in ways that are often overlooked.
Advocate for collective change: In community, we can support each other in working to end the systems that keep us isolated and exhausted. Whatever you are passionate about—racial justice, transgender rights, better healthcare—organizing with trusted others around these issues can help us all live safer and fuller lives. And, when we live closer to our values, we also care for ourselves by affirming their importance.
Although self-care is crucial, healing doesn’t happen in a vacuum, and it doesn’t happen only when we treat ourselves to a spa day or a quiet night in (although I love a quiet night in!). It happens when we show up for each other, when we create spaces of safety and solidarity, and when we accept support as well as providing it.
Self-care and community care work together to help us feel the safety and belonging that we deserve. And when we practice both—in the ways that feel safe, authentic, and possible for each of us—we create a little bit more of the world that we deserve, too.
If you’re interested in talking more about building community into your self-care plan and how you can bring your healing journey outside of the therapy room, I’d love to chat! I’m currently accepting new clients, both in person and telehealth across GA, with evening and weekend availability. Schedule a free consultation with me here.
