Repair, Not Perfection: A New Goal for Family Relationships
Where there are humans, there is imperfection. Mistakes are inevitable and unavoidable.
When it comes to family, many of us carry the sentiment that families are perfect if they never have conflict. It is very common that we strive for perfection, however our humanness lies within our imperfections. That’s why the expectation that we will always have the perfect response, unlimited patience, and never have a disagreement is an unattainable goal that we should de-center from our reality.
The truth is that perfection isn’t the goal in relational health. Repair is the goal.
What is repair? Repair is the process of reconnecting after a moment of disconnection, misunderstanding, or harm.
This can look like taking accountability for your mistakes and committing to doing better the next time. Relational ruptures can happen whether your actions had intent to harm or not, however the impact is the most important part that needs to be addressed and repaired. Many of us are familiar with the phrase “I didn’t intend to harm you” as a response to expressing our displeasure with a particular experience. Occasionally, some people will take that response and move forward. However, there are others who view that response as dismissive to how the other person’s actions have impacted them.
In moments such as these, the offended party rightfully desires some form of acknowledgement or apology for the pain they experienced as a result. Unfortunately, many of us struggle with taking accountability due to us wanting to protect our self-image, which usually presents as us prioritizing intent and fighting to be “right” in the disagreement.
Many Families fall into disruptive patterns in conflict such as silent treatments, defensiveness, criticism, and contempt. Although these are protective responses, these responses do not leave room for emotional connection and repair. In family therapy, we help guide clients through the repair process where we center humility and vulnerability in conversations so everyone can feel seen and heard in the relational dynamic.
When conversations and disagreements are centered around humility and vulnerability, over time the relationship develops a pattern of resilience to the inevitable conflicts that arise. This fosters safety and disrupts generational patterns of disconnection.
How can family therapy help?
At Grounded Wellbeing, we offer space to:
Practice communication grounded in compassion.
Repair past relational wounds that continue to resurface in the present.
Understand each other’s triggers and needs through a trauma-informed lens.
Create rituals or strategies for reconnecting when things go off track.
If your family is navigating moments of rupture, or you're unsure how to reconnect, we're here. At Grounded Wellbeing, we offer attachment-based, trauma-informed, culturally responsive, relational support that honors where you are and supports you on your journey toward where you want to go.
Curious about Family Therapy? Complete our inquiry form HERE.
